I'm Sorry (Vent)

"I'm a paradox. I want to be happy, but i think of things that make me sad. I'm lazy, yet I'm ambitious. I don't like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don't care but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I'm a conflicted contradiction. If I can't figure myself out, there's no way anyone else has." 



"You could never understand. Not you in your perfect little world."


"Take the gun and count to three."

"Mirror on the wall, here we are again
Through my rise and fall
You've been my only friend" 
~Mirror by Lil Wayne



I've been crying over something stupid. I locked myself in the bathroom so my parents wouldn't see my crying and ask me what's wrong. Why? Because if i told them, especially my mum, she would've said it's such a stupid reason to cry and for me to shut up and stop being stupid. She does that sometimes. So I cried and calmed down in the bathroom. But as my friends kept messaging me, each time I saw their message telling me that I'm perfect the way I am, I'd cry because that's what everyone says. It's a common saying you tell anyone you know who's doubting who they are and how they compare themselves with another person...I can't help it, it makes me cry more to hear them say I'm fine the way I am. No dammit, I'm fucking not. You don't understand. You all think I do it to get attention, fuck attention I couldn't give two shits about ANYONE. and I mean anyone...










I think that's my problem....













I Envy people.